Thanks for the Feedback — By Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

3 Triggers that prevent us from receiving feedback well:

Receiving feedback well is a process of sorting and filtering, of learning how the other person sees things. Trying on ideas that at first seem a poor fit and experimenting. And of shelving or discarding the parts of the feedback that seem off or not what you need right now. T

Obstacles that keep us from engaging skillfully in a feedback conversation

How to overcome Truth Triggers?

Know the 3 Types of Feedback — Know what you want and what you are getting

How to overcome Relationship Triggers?

Disentangle What from Who. Relationship triggers produce hurt, suspicion and sometimes anger. The way out is to disentangle the feedback from the relationship issues it triggers and discuss both clearly and separately. Don’t drop the original feedback because you are taking up relationship issues. Separate them. Be aware of ‘who’ and ‘what’ and remember to keep these things differentiated.

How to overcome Identity Triggers?

Know that everybody is wired differently. Understanding your own temperament will help you get an insight into why you reach the way you do and why others react differently.
Don’t be a Google Search! — Dismantle Distortions.
When we receive feedback that is especially difficult to receive, our mind goes back to all the prior failures. Every relationship, failed job, fall come to the fore. We run a Google Search through our entire memory database and all those memories of years instantly flood our mind making us feel worse. Know that the feedback you are receiving now, is specific to one context and don’t allow your cognitive bias to cloud your judgement.



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