25 key tools to keep in your mental backpack!
These are my notes from the over hundred books, websites and blogs I have read, countless podcasts I have listened to, YouTube videos I have watched.
I have divided them into categories of Life, Business, How to Think and Leadership. Look at it like a Buffet and pick and choose that what you like.
Life
1) Are you a Moron or a Maniac?
This question may anger you. But hold on for a moment. Imagine you are driving the red car. Ahead of you is a green car, the driver of which is driving super slow. The driver ahead, is just enjoying his retirement day on a country side road, enjoying the breeze. Unaware of his context, you are mad at him. Angry at the way he is driving his car and not caring for others. According to you, he is a moron. If that wasn’t enough, you have another car tailing you, honking at you, making gestures asking you to get out of the way. According to you, the driver of the car behind you is a maniac. And according to you, you are the only one who is sane and driving at the correct speed. According to the driver of the car behind you, now you are the moron! The purpose of this is to illustrate that we always feel we are correct, while others are wrong. Reserve your judgement about others, for we may not know their context!
2) Is it an opinion or a fact?
Life becomes inherently simpler when you realize that this thing called life was designed by people no smarter than you — Steve Jobs
So my dear friends, whenever somebody judges you, ask yourself ‘Is it an opinion or a fact?’. Most often than not, it is just an opinion. Got rejected while receiving unfair comments about you and your ability? — Not a problem. It is just an opinion, not a fact. And somebody else’s opinion about you must not become your reality. You have the power to choose who you want to become and constantly grow and mold yourself into a person of your dreams. Likewise, whenever you read or hear something on TV or Social Media, ask yourself this question. It will save you from emotional outbursts.
3) Treat everyone equally
Whether we do it consciously or unconsciously, we always put people in shelves or categories that are either equal, higher or lower than us. How often have we come across people whose tone and body language are humble in front of their supervisors but rude and impolite to their sub-ordinates? They have consciously or unconsciously put their superiors on a shelf that is higher than themselves and their subordinates on a shelf that is lower than them. The best way? Treat everyone equally good. When you are self conscious and nervous in front of another person, you have put your own self down and the other person higher than you are. Treat everyone including yourself equally.
4) The gap between Stimulus and Response
Man’s search for meaning! — A beautiful book written by Dr Viktor Frankl! So, life’s a journey and on this journey we may or may not be in control of the many things that come up. That is Stimulus. An external Stimulus. How do we respond to it this external Stimulus or event that is happening or has happened to you? There is a gap or time between the stimulus and your response. And in this gap, lies your power to choose. The power to choose your response and in your response lies your growth and true freedom! So my dear friends, the next time you respond, ask yourself, will this response of mine make me a better person? Will I regret it later? Will it set me free?
5) Seize the key moments of the day
Every single day is made up of tiny moments. Waking up early, expressing gratitude, drinking water, meditating, exercising, showering, listening to a podcast that helps you learn something while on your way to work, eating a fruit rather than junk food, journaling. Tiny, tiny moments that bundle together to make a huge difference in the end. It is very important to seize these tiny moments of the day. Follow the process and the results will take care of itself!
6) The quality of your communications
Maybe you had a heart breaking situation, maybe you were fired and told you are no good. At precisely these moments and immediately after it, watch out for the story you are telling yourself. Oh, I am such a nice person, how could this happen to me? Isn’t this victim thinking? How about, ok, this has happened, what is the best action I could take now that would contribute to my growth rather than repressing my growth? Whom could I ask for help? Who could I reach out to who will teach me this new skill inorder to take me to my dream job? Remember, as Tony Robbins says, the quality of your life, is directly proportional to the quality of your communication with yourself and that with others!
7) The map is not the territory
We use Google Maps or Apple Maps, isn’t it? It is a super helpful tool to get us to a destination while we are driving from point A to point B. The maps while mostly accurate, don’t go in to absolute detail, like the color of the buildings, the number of potholes on the road, the number of traffic lights in the surrounding vicinity, etc. That’s exactly what our perceptions are. They may never be close to absolute reality yet we often react to OUR PERCEPTION of Reality but may not be Reality itself. Never mistake your perceptions to be of absolute truth. This helps us stay humble and not judge the other person and completely give up on them for their one off actions.
8) Two arrows
Some unpleasant situation has happened. Maybe it could have been avoided if you were aware of better actions or if you were in a different mindset then. That unpleasant situation is arrow 1. Arrow 1 has already hit you. Now, arrow 2 is the one that is causing you pain. Arrow 2 is self flagellation, victim thinking, blaming yourself for the situation, feeling guilty endlessly or calling yourself names or putting yourself down and calling yourself stupid. Don’t add to your troubles. Arrow 1 has already hit you. Don’t shoot Arrow 2 on you. Have self compassion. Love yourself completely, even for your mistakes and have a radical self acceptance policy that accepts your good and not so sunny side of things!
9) Gap versus Gain
This one’s got to do with gratitude. A mindset that looks at the gaps in life versus a mindset that looks at the gains in life. Mind you it is not about looking for gains from by taking or receiving something from somebody else. Who were you ten years ago? What are all the progresses you have made on this ten year long journey of yours? Do you see the gains? Or do you see the gaps? Likewise at work, do you see the gains you have had in a given work week or always at the unfinished, unsuccessful pieces of work? Always remember, when setting a goal, look at your future ideal self, while measuring progress look backward and at your former self
Business
10) What pain are you willing to go through inorder to achieve your goals?
Starting a new business is hard. You have to go through rejections, business partners leaving you in the middle of the project, losing money, getting scammed, spending a lot of time on your work and less with family and friends. Question is, are you willing to persist and keep going on towards your dream? What pain are you willing to go through inorder to achieve your goals?
11) What business are you in?
The washing powder ‘Tide’, re framed their idea of what business they are in from being in the washing powder business to being in the clothing care business. This definition expanded their range. This definition allowed them to produce more goods and expand their business. Question is, what business are you in? Are you in the buggy whip industry or in the transportation business?
12) What habit can I change of my customers?
Uber changed the habit of users being habituated to not knowing when their taxi would arrive, to being absolutely certain where their car is and when it would arrive. AirBnB changed the habits of their users from staying in hotels to being comfortable to staying in strangers homes. What current habit can you change of your customers? Here you can also apply the framework of ‘How can I make things 20 seconds (or more) easier for my customers?’
13) Scale or Magnitude
Are you an Entrepreneur? Solving Problems for your customers or your own? Ask yourself this. Would this problem that you are out to solve, solve a problem for a large number of people aka on Scale? Or would this solve a huge, huge problem for one single user aka on Magnitude?
For example, a Surgeon who operates on a person, solves a problem of a huge magnitude for a single person, whereas a mobile app, say Uber, reaches millions of people (drivers and passengers alike), thus solving a problem at scale!
How to take action?
14) Start with the end in mind and Invert
Want to accomplish a goal or a task? Start with the end in mind. Think what the end result should look like. Then think what would happen if you do the opposite. For example, if you have a goal to save money by the end of this year, think of the end result. For example, by December 31st 2019, I want to have an extra $10000 in my bank account, by saving money.
Now think opposite and ask yourself how can I not save an additional $10000? I shall buy online subscriptions that I will use only once in a while. I shall go partying and eating out everyday. I shall buy gadgets that I never knew I needed. I shall buy new clothes and accessories even though I have a closet full of clothes. I shall walk into a mall and be tempted to buy items on 30% discount sale and save 30%, even though I know that if I don’t buy it, I would save 100% of my money.
15) How could I make things 20 second easier?
Want to go to the gym the next morning? Ask yourself, how could I make things 20 seconds easier? How about packing your gym bag with your gym shoes, socks, outfits, house keys and wallet, the previous night? How about preparing your protein shake, leaving it in the refrigerator overnight? Will that make things 20 seconds faster? Conversely if you want to quit a habit, how about making it 20 seconds harder? Say for example, you have a habit of smoking cigarettes each time your hand reaches out for it in your pocket. How about putting the pack at a location that makes it 20 seconds harder to retrieve? Repeat the same routine the next day. Make it further 20 seconds harder to retrieve the pack. Likewise, in your business, how can you make things 20 seconds easier for your customers?
16) Embarrassingly small next steps
Setting tough goals are great! However, how often do we get stuck unable to know where to start from? The multiple options available don’t make it any easier. We are overwhelmed, our brains freeze. For example, I want to loose 5 kilos of weight by the next 90 days. Should I join the regular gym or the Yoga classes? Should I hire a personal trainer or go by myself? What clothes and shoes do I need? What do we do now? We take the smallest most embarrassing next step. I get up from the couch and stand for five minutes. This step is so embarrassingly small that the mind says ‘why not?’
17) Anything that is worth doing, is worth doing badly until you figure out how to do it well!
Oh, I am so bad at the gym! I absolutely have no clue about the techniques of weightlifting! Maybe I am a joke at the gym! So what? Is it worth my time at the gym? Is it worth exercising and being fit? Know that you have a learning mindset. And know that anything that is worth doing, is worth doing badly until you figure out how to do it well! Time, consistent practice and perseverance go hand in hand!
18) The one Thing
Overwhelmed by way too many things to do? Or maybe you have one task that needs many sub tasks to be accomplished. Which one do you first? Ask yourself, ‘What is the one and only one thing I could do, that would make the other steps irrelevant or less important?’ Want to start saving money? ‘What is the one and only one step I could take towards saving money, that would have the biggest impact on my savings?’
How to think?
19) Radical Focus in a VUCA World
We live in a world that increasingly appears to be Vulnerable, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous (VUCA). All this overwhelms us, make us feel anxious. The solution then is to have a radical focus on things you can control. Ask yourself, ‘Does it matter?’, if the answer is yes, ask yourself another question ‘Can you control it?’.
20) Data->Analysis->Decision->Action (DADA)
This is a framework to think. Think about it. If I were to ask you, what’s your thinking process, what would your answer be? Here is one framework to apply. So you start with a Hypothesis. Among the many Hypothesis you have, you make a ‘Decision’ to pursue one of them. Accordingly you gather data that proves or disproves your initial Hypotheses. Upon gathering Data, you Analyze the data. Upon Analysis, you arrive a decision. And then you take a decision. Simple framework isn’t it?
21) Think like a corporation
Afraid to take a step because you may encounter rejection? Think like a Corporation and bill the expenses against your corporate account! If you are say Jack and Jack the individual is scared of negotiating a good salary for his new job for the fear of being rejected, ask yourself, what would Jack Inc do? Even if Jack Inc fails to land that job for asking for a better pay, you don’t feel embarrassed as it wasn’t Jack the individual who asked for it, it was Jack Inc, the company that asked for it. Bill that rejection in your corporate expense account ;-)
22) Perspective v/s Focus
When you are stuck in a rut, this framework comes in handy. Ask yourself these questions. ‘What is my perspective on this situation?’ . ‘If I were to give advice to a friend on this situation, what would my perspective be?’. ‘Would I look at it from a different perspective?’. ‘What am I focusing upon?’ ‘Am I focusing my energy upon that which I cannot control?’ ‘Am I focusing upon that which is negative?’ ‘Can I focus my energies in a place where it could provide better results?’. Remember, energy goes where your attention does. What are you paying your attention to?
23) What am I here to give?
Maybe you are an actor who is out to give an audition. Maybe you are an employee giving your first presentation. Maybe you are interviewing for a new job. Each of these situations can make one nervous and freeze our thoughts. At these moments, ask this powerful question, ‘What am I here to give that is valuable to the other person?’ Giving need not always be tied to money. Professional settings apart, you can also give wherever you go! Maybe a genuine smile, a positive attitude, fill the other person with positive energy, genuine concern, your time, your knowledge, help others make connections, encourage local businesses by word of mouth, are all examples of giving.
24) Don’t major in minor things
Planning for a Sales Call is a minor thing. Actually being in a meeting with a prospective customer is a major thing. Writing an article and storing it in Drafts is a minor thing. Actually publishing it and being open to feedback and improvements is a major thing. Don’t do your majors in minor things! You’ve got to graduate in major things!
Leadership
25) Who will you help elevate today?
Jim Collins said, a Level 5 Leader is somebody who practices the Mirror and the Window approach. When things go wrong, Level 5 leaders look at the mirror and holds themselves accountable. When things go great and there are wins, a Level 5 leader looks and points outside the window and gives credit to his teams for the success. Are you a Level 5 Leader? You don’t need to have a designation of a leader to help somebody. Who will you help elevate today? Whose life will you make better today? On whose face are you going to bring a smile today?
Sources:
What is Water — How Young Leaders can thrive in an uncertain world
The One Thing
Kaizen — One small step can change your life
Podcasts & YouTube videos on Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn
Man’s Search for Meaning — Viktor Frankl
Kain Ramsay’s NLP Course on Udemy.com
Ted Talk on Learning Zone vs Performance Zone
A Spy’s Guide to Thinking — John Braddock
My life in parts — Bryan Cranston
Valuetainment on YouTube
Mark Cuban’s blog
Dan Sullivan
Any countless other blogs, books, YouTube Videos, Courses on Self Improvement, Podcasts
Please pardon me if I have missed out on mentioning any author unintentionally.
